This Blog is a conversation with You about living the philosophies that we all read about. People ask me “how” I do what I do ... This blog is about just that. This is my experience of the ideas that I have heard, been taught and read about over the years I have studied My Self and others. May You step over the pot holes that I have tripped on; learn from my sharing and together we can “live in the world the way we want it to be” to use Ghandi’s words. Enjoy, Share and Grow – Together!

May 16, 2010

Inevitability

As I explore the practice of Acceptance, I am more often coming upon what I must accept simply because there is no choice present to do otherwise.  Now these opportunities (I use the word with a smile on my face) are not the simpler ones in my life.  As I face these times, I long for the simple opportunities of acceptance such as accepting the rain, accepting my more unhealthy choices like not going to the gym, or eating that last piece of pie.

NO, these are other times, other opportunities; times when truly my egoic self must face that it is, as it is, no matter what I do.  Of course, the most obvious one to me is death, but that one is easier, for me, than this one.  What I have experienced is more related to the aging process itself.

As I spend more and more time with Mom, David’s Mom who has become my Mom too, I am faced with my own human inevitability.  Witnessing her aging process and her gracious acceptance of what she no longer can control, I am literally frightened.  Dare I admit that to you as well as to myself – yes, I am frightened; the many controls that she is loosing, and so graciously accepting. The loss of memories, the loss of the flow of the conversation, the loss of some of her bodily functions; the list goes on and on.

It causes me to be faced so blatantly with my ego that I am speechless within myself.  “Inevitability”
– I hear that word in the mouth of one of the main characters in the movie “The Matrix”. “Mr. Anderson, that is the sound of “inevitability””. But at that stage in that amazing movie, it is a challenge – This is not!

I guess it was inevitable (I am smiling again) that in practicing acceptance and becoming aware of my motivations and actions, I would come to this point, but I did not see it coming.

When I am in my wiser self, I smile and see it for what it is. But today I do not write completely from that place. Today, I write from a place that is frightened and little desperate at the realization that there is truly so much that I cannot control, and what, do I do with that?

When the phone rang this morning to say that Mom had had another fall, I realized in that lovely self awareness place, that I was waiting. I could actually feel for a split second between the words the caller was saying, that I was waiting for the inevitable call. My response to that was despair. I am realizing just how much I do not have control over, and forgive me for writing about it, BUT “Oh my God, there is so much beyond my control”.

I write it and smile again. I guess my wiser self is still here, thank God. But nevertheless, there is that other part of me and ….

Barbara Streisand’s new recording contains an amazing song “If You Go Away” and once I heard it, it has stayed with me for weeks now; not constantly, but regularly it runs through my mind at the most interesting of times. I pay attention to that, songs running through my mind when I have not even heard them in days and yet still, there they are … those speak to me of what I am, on the inside in that moment, I believe. And, “If You Go Away” has stayed with me for a while now.

And after the call about Mom this morning, that song reappeared in my head as I tried to go back to sleep, from an already mostly sleepless night. There is nothing I can do about her falling, nothing I can do about her aging process, about what she is loosing as she continues to age and I feel such despair at that.

And so, my more aware self says “this is acceptance” in practice my friend, acceptance in practice; and here, in these moments I long for simply having to accept that I decided to sleep and skip the gym this morning.  Those are the acceptance moments, where “I” have made the choice, where “I” still have the choice. But these opportunities, these are far different.

And so now I come to why am I writing this; to share a deep awareness about another view of my world, more than that I hope. But what?

I believe that when I get this, this level of acceptance, I will truly stop “trying” to fix and help and improve.  I will truly let go of a sense of responsibility that creates a deep tension that lies so deep in my body that I do not even realize it.  I pray for that acceptance. I smile at the peace I know it will bring.

It comes with my older wiser self now speaking. That is what life is about; the realization and recognition of what actually is that cannot be changed but only experienced. I have spent so much of my life fighting the inevitable, that I am only now distinguishing between that which I am to be aware of to change AND that which cannot be changed, only experienced.

So friends, there it is; the “advanced level” of acceptance in the course of life – I do not “create my own reality” all of the time; sometimes I live in the reality of others and must merely share, witness and accept that invitation and with it learn more about My Self.  It feels advanced, stretching and yes, difficult. Here, I am all about Divine Intervention, for truly, for me, there is no other way.

Inevitability – not a challenge to me to create and change – NO! A challenge to call on the Divine and stay present; to realize the “job” of Divine in these moments; to call on the Divine to help me to recognize those moments more often, more clearly and to know enough to “let God do His/Her Job”. Always it is about knowing My Self and with Divine assistance, I am doing just that. My awareness deepens not just to know “who” I am, but how I am, who I am. Inevitability, a call to the Divine not to Me! Boy, has my view from here changed yet again!

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About Me

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Hi, my name is Donna Somerville and I am a full time spiritual medium and facilitator. What do I facilitate? You! You and your developing awareness of what You love, what fulfills You and how You sabotage Your Self. I do this, and have been learning how to do this since 1988. How do I do this? By having conversations, out loud, with Your Inner Self and recording those conversations so that You can “listen” in. I am a listener. Although people like to call them readings and channeling, I call it “listening”. I believe that my purpose is to, quite literally, become useless to You. My work is to “listen”, and then to show You how to do it for Your Self. I love my life! All of it.The ups and the downs. I feel it is a great privilege and adventure to be alive now, at this time and I want to experience life to the fullest. I am all about experience!