Who is My Self?

"What truth, what light through my mind’s window breaks?
It is the east, and the Holy Spirit is the sun
Arise my Friend, dissolve the ego moon
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou the truth art far more great than he
Oh It is the Christ Child, yes It is my Love
And if I knew What I was, the brightness of my mind
would shame the stars as daylight does a lamp
My Mind in Heaven would through the unseen regions stream so bright
The world would sing and knoweth not the night”
            Page 276, The Disappearance of the Universe
                    Gary Renard

I read this and my heart leaped. Now I am a Shakespeare fan, but this .. this was wondrous to me. It was so inspired of Renard to translate this piece from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, from what it was into this!

In this, the line that stands out the most for me is “ … if I knew What I was …”.
Oh, that I could know this of myself. It is what I strive for. There is not much, in my life as I live it now, that I “strive” for.  I really work on the practice of acceptance and no blame. But when I read this, I suddenly realized that I was still striving.

I was striving to be free of my own mind. Free of those conversations, better to call them arguments, with My Self in my head.  No one ever wins those arguments, at least not in my head. In my head, they move quickly from argument into judgment and then spiral down from there.

But as I write this I want to ask, about those arguments, “Donna, who is My Self?” Who am I arguing with? What part of me? That is what I need to see, realize and remember.

That is the question that Tolle asked that started his whole journey to the ego understanding. One day, as he told the story, he found himself saying “I can’t stand myself any longer; then stopped and asked “who is my self?”  I ask that now, and when I do, it results in such clarity.  I completely see the difference between Me, My True Self and that other self that argues then judges and then …continues in its no win creations.

When I argue with myself, there is no end to it. And of course, that makes pure sense to me because I am arguing with nothing, no other self, I am arguing with something that does not really exist.  I am arguing with my judgments, my expectations, not a self at all!!

We are so much more than we see of ourselves in our human form. I know that now, after so many years of doing readings and viewing the pure potential that lies in each person that I have met and read. So, why do we, why do I so easily forget this and even allow that argument with me to begin never mind continue!?!

I forget. I believe what I see in front of me when I see only the shallow end of Me.  I think I am so amazed by this verse, as it is rewritten by Renard, because it takes something that many would recognize and turns it into something else. Just changes a few words and voila! Magic!

The same is true of our Selves. Change perspective, which is what I do in my work with every reading, ask my clients to see themselves in another way and change their perspective.  But to hold that changed perspective, there is the challenge. How do we remember the truth of our Self, who we really are?  “… the brightness of my mind would shame the stars …” Renard writes.

I write this with no answers today, only questions. But questions that cause me to stop and think and hopefully – tomorrow morning – when I argue with myself over some mundane thing, I will realize “who” I am arguing with and stop it cold, just stop it.

My view from here is clear. May I remember that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.