What is Ego?

“The Ego always speaks first.”
(Line 5, Verse 3, Section VI, Chapter 5, Course in Miracles)

As I read this, this morning I paused and reflected on a conversation I was having with a client yesterday about channeling and the difference between our “Soul Voice” and our “ego voice”.

Identifying the ego voice is critical in using intuition, as I have come to experience the use of intuition. In fact, it is what takes the most amount of effort. And yet, as I spoke yesterday – I realized that it truly requires no effort at all!

Yes, no effort at all! Why? Because when you are hearing Soul Voice, working in the energy of the Divine, the ego voice has no fuel. It becomes like a fire that is in its dying embers and seeking more wood to stay alive. In the Divine energy there is no wood for the ego’s fire.
I have experienced the ego as almost non existent when I am in this Divine space. Now, I am not for a moment suggesting that I have no ego, even when I am channeling. However, I am saying that in my channeling I have come so close to no ego that it is truly wondrous and I wish it for everyone. It is why I teach intuition as a skill we all need to develop; it is why I channel for a living and seek to show everyone who and what they are capable of, when they are better connected to their soul essence.

But I digress. This is not what I came to write about this morning. This morning I wanted to speak about identifying ego voice. What is it, “ego voice”? I have always believed that the ego voice loves to repeat itself; that it loves to blame and loves to create drama. Well, upon working with Course in Miracles this morning, I can now add to this list, most useful in identifying ego voice.

I now also see that the ego always speaks first; the ego cannot imagine something being “undone” or “forgiven” for that means destroyed and destruction is something the ego fears. 

As well, the ego believes in time. This is most enlightening – that the ego believes in time. It is why we can be led to believe that there is only “one” chance for anything to happen or that this “blank” will last forever.  With the belief in time, the ego continues; the ego’s belief in time allows the ego to go on and on, and so seeks to create dramas or situations that go on and on.

It is why the ego wants us to believe that if something happens once, then it will happen again and again, always, with no change. And so defense against that continuing is needed, aggression is then created for the ego gives us reason to need defense and aggression.

When I read these words printed out like this, they are absurd; I am absurd. But in the moment that I am experiencing these thoughts, they are so real. That is the where my ego gets its power; in my belief in these false ideas.

When I experience a weakness or a discomfort, there is truly a thought in my mind that says that this is how I will feel now, forever; that this feeling will never go away, that it will never leave me.  That idea then depresses me, takes my breath away, takes my very will away; I feel as if it does not matter what decision I make, because no decision will make a difference to this situation. And there, my friends, I see my ego in action.  I become my thoughts and I become inactive.

The ego is our thoughts; that is its language. Now, I have come to believe that there are two parts to our mind. There is the “organizing mind” which for me, is that part of my mind that is necessary. It is how I get things done. It is the part of my mind that acts on an idea and brings it into action.

But then, there is the other part of my mind; the part that I think of as my ego.  This ego part of my mind is the fear side of my thinking. It is the part of my mind that very creatively judges, creates blame, creates consequences and then convinces me that this is how it will always be, forever and ever.  It is where my dramas are born and where they are maintained. I smile now, as I can see this part of my mind so clearly. Not so easy for me to do in the moment that I am thinking these enduring and painful thoughts.

And so I write today to say.

Consider that there is a part of your mind that is not
 working “for” you, but “against” you.
Consider that, if you look, you can see this ego part of your mind
and then with wonder, watch it do its work.
Consider that when you can do this,
 you are objective, you are “out of the drama”.

When I can do this, I am closer to the truth of me and more powerful in me than at any other time. I intend to stay here, free from the ego even for a moment, free from the drama even for a moment.

The view, here in this objective space of My Self, is wondrous and I intend to stay here, not just visit but “stay”, for the view from here is wondrous, powerful and free!